Hungry for Change
by KTC2097
Summary: Warning trigger warning for eating disorders and suicide. Riley had an eating disorder and this is her telling her story.


**Hey guys. This is a One shot that I wrote a little while ago. I do have another story called Girl Meets Cancer if you would like to check it out. I do not own Girl Meets World of its characters.**

 _120\. That was the weight I began at._

 _110\. That was the weight I strived to be at._

 _078\. That was weight my parents entered me into a rehab center for._

 _At fifteen I saw how beautiful all of these other girls at my school seemed to be. Everyone thought I had it all. I was popular, I was dating my one true love, Lucas, and I had the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I don't even know when it began. I don't even know when I stopped trying to lose weight so that I could fit my cheer uniform better and into an eating disorder. Yes, an eating disorder. For a while, I didn't even know that I had an eating disorder. I just told myself that I still wasn't skinny enough. That I still looked like a Beach whale flailing around at football games. Then I told myself I needed to look better so that I could deserve Lucas. He is the most amazing man on the planet and for some odd reason he chose me._

 _I couldn't fathom why he chose me. I thought about Maya. He could have had Maya. Then I started to see all the things she had that I didn't. She has the looks, the talent, and the good personality. I didn't have any of that. I kept telling myself that if I didn't look so ugly maybe I could deserve Lucas. That maybe we could be on the same spectrum. What I didn't know was that this thing. This mindset was going to destroy everything. I kept telling myself that nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels._

 _I started lashing out at people. Especially Maya. I wanted her to feel like the underdog. I was jealous of something that I didn't need to be jealous over. I started snapping at anyone who tried to mention food to me. That mainly fell on Lucas. He noticed that I was eating close to nothing, and becoming a shadow of myself. At first, I was able to hide what I didn't eat, but then it got to the point that just the smell or sight of food made me queasy and angry at myself. I ended up being put on a food tube. I was angry at the world and myself. I was in and out of the hospital until the one day that I regret the most._

 _The day I finally reached the lowest part of my life. It was during the first semester of my sophomore year. I was so skinny. There was no meat on my body, just skin, and bones. I was pushing everyone away. Lucas broke up with me and told me how draining I was. He stuck up for Maya, he told me how my behavior has been unacceptable, and that I was no longer the girl he loved. He stayed by my side way longer than he probably should have, but at that time I didn't realize that. I didn't realize how destructive I had become. I didn't notice how much pain I caused those who crossed my path. After Lucas left me I realized I had nothing. That is when I did something I will always regret._

 _I threatened to take my life. Not only threatened but attempted. I recorded myself at my lowest point. I told people that I would eliminate myself so I couldn't be so disastrous, draining, or in the way. I didn't want to be the cause of anyone's lack of happiness anymore. I posted the video and then took a random assortment of pills out of my parent's cabinet. After that, I was rushed to the ER, had my stomach pumped, remained in a coma for a couple days, ended up in rehab, and now I am here. I am telling my story._

 _I was at a low point in my life. I caused so many people pain. But now here I am. I am sixteen. I am healthy again. I weigh in at 115 lbs. I have been out of rehab for a week now, and today, today I face the music of going back to school. I have to face those I have hurt. I have to stand up and apologize to those I tried to put down. Above all else, I have to forgive myself too. I tried to sabotage myself and my health so much over the past year. I tried to end myself and I even came close to succeeding._

 _My parents forgave me._

 _My little brother forgave me._

 _I am still working on forgiving me._

 _and as for my friends, I still need to ask them for forgiveness._

 _I am working on myself and bettering myself each and every day. I will always struggle when it comes to food, but my whole life will no longer be defined by it._

 _I realized that when I weighed in at 120 I was perfect. When I weighed in at 115 I was perfect. If tomorrow I weighed in at 220 I would be perfect. Because the number on a scale is just a number, and that number doesn't define me. I do._

 ** _Alright, that was my one shot and I hope you all enjoyed it._**


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